Most people have at least some idea of when they're being deceived, but I know one person who is clueless. This individual absolutely cannot tell when people twist the truth or outright lie to them. I also know people who have been snookered by various smooth talkers, when there were "tells" ahead of time - early warning signs, showing the individual was not overwhelmingly trustworthy.
So I've compiled a (very) short list of these simple "tells" which help show who is more worthy of your trust than others.
Also, this list provides practical ways to work on these characteristics, to become a more trustworthy person yourself.
After all, trust is well worth working on. Trust improves every business, and speeds every business transaction. When trust declines, business slows and costs increase.
- Honesty in the small things
Honesty is a habit, and the easiest way to cultivate it is to be honest in the small things.
When you're honest in the small things, that same person, yourself included, is far more likely to be honest in bigger, more significant things over time. If you can't be honest about who dropped the paper clips on the floor, then when it comes to something greater, those "honesty muscles" haven't been exercised enough.
Never, ever, ever underestimate the significance of the "honesty muscle". Or the power of small wins.
- Locus of Control
What is locus of control? (Locus is Latin for place.) It defines where you feel you have control over the events in your life.
For example, if you have an internal locus of control you view yourself as responsible for your actions, which plays out in a plethora of ways. You become responsible for how to work, the decisions you make, how you spend your time, how you drive, the attitude you have, the mistakes you make, your career choices, and so on.
An exterior locus of control means you view yourself as a victim of circumstance. You have no control over the events in your life and blame external reasons for your circumstances. You credit chance or luck for successes, believe you have no control over your attitude, your career path, your choices, and generally, nothing is your fault or responsibility (because you can't do anything about it anyway).
Here are some classic examples of exterior locus of control ("nothing is my fault") from car insurance reports: (For clarity, the locus of control is in bold)
- A lamp-post bumped into my car, damaging it in two places.
- No one was to blame for the accident but it would never have happened if the other driver had been alert.
- Going to work at 7am this morning I drove out of my drive straight into a bus. The bus was 5 minutes early.
Then, here's an insurance claim with someone who has an interior locus of control ("I'm responsible"):
- In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.
As mentioned, this two-point list presents fantastic opportunities for (continuing) personal growth. Becoming more honest and being more responsible benefits all of us on every level.
To become more honest: start with the little things. Then work gradually to bigger and bigger issues. This works!
To change your locus of control from exterior to interior: Become a "curious observer" of yourself. Notice what you say and write. Do you catch yourself blaming equipment or work for your mood or behavior, or are you taking ownership? This can be quite the paradigm shift. (For a deeper dive, I recommend Steven Covey's classic 7 Habits of Highly Effective People from your favorite bookseller or library.)
This short list has helped me spot not only who isn't trustworthy but also who is very trustworthy. While this isn't an exhaustive list, someone who is consistently honest and has an internal locus of control (a combination hard to find), also tends to "collect" other admirable traits.
Put these principles to the test. Apply them. What will they bring you?
Insight.
Plus you'll become the one who is trusted. |
